Late-Night Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's top hosts used their airtime mocking former President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, called the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play arrangement for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday song about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins all he touches."

The subject was the new plan that allows foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One note here to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring large payments. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – if it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by targeting right-leaning news defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.